We are all cowboys now ( and ever)
October 2nd 2006 03:41
The Divine Procreation Source:agnet.org
Cow-breeding is the basis of all civilizations. It is the very impulse of civilization. Until, we started breeding cows, we didn’t even feel the need to invent a civilization.
The Vedas which form the oldest religious literature extant are all about cattle-herding nomads who were moving across vast tracts of land and fighting cattle-stealing Panis and the dark raiders called Dasyus. Their god Indra was the ultimate cowboy, having retrieved the stolen cattle from a cave where they were hidden by the cattle-thieving dragon called Vala which was slain by our hero. Cattle-rustling, therefore, is the germ of all evil.
Not to be outdone, Egyptians worshipped a cow-goddess called Hathor. She was one of their oldest deities they had and one of the chiefest. Crete of course had a passionate love-affair with cows. The Cretan princess Pasiphae fell in passionate love with a cow and out of their union came the Minotaur. If this myth were read euhemeristically, one can imagine a cow boy past for Cretans at least on one side of the family.
And those snotty Europeans who sniff at the American cowboys with scorn should do well to remember that their eponymous ancestor from whom they derived their very name was a cow. Papa Zeus used his bull-sized bullocks to empty into the bovine beauty Europa, the union which produced the continent of Europe. The illustrious ancestry explains the rather bovine intelligence of present day Europeans. Cows, you see, are gormless creatures that are always driving themselves into trouble. That is why they need some hot men to shepherd them to safety.
The one people who were definitely not cowboys were Jews and that is why they don’t exactly fit in this cow-herding world because they were herding sheep (wandering Jews and all that). Yahweh is a jealous god because he was a sheep god and the one god he was most jealous of all, Baal of the Canaanites, is a cow god! But poor Jews were always being attracted to cow-worship. It is this incessant attraction that nagged Yahweh so much that he thought to buy them off with a piece of choice real estate.
But Yahweh’s doppelganger Allah wags a threatening finger at all the cow-herders. His idea of victory is not that his own sheep people should follow him and leave the idolatry of cow people but that there should not be any cow people at all. He tries to buy off sheep people who obliterate cow-herders with a prime real estate with seventy juicy bonuses, only on the other side. The clash of civilizations rightly is between the people of the cow and the people of the sheep.
This brings us to Americans. Cowboys are the greatest emblem of American culture apart from cheerleaders and air guitarists. There is something blessed about this young nation reminding us all about our immigrant, cow herding past, the cow-blood that we have in all of us. We need reminding. No matter how many decadent rags we piled up on our outer selves, our inner life, our myths, our religions and hence the very stuff of our ideas have been shaped at one point of time by tending to cows.
When the world is coming to nuts by the inherent jealousies of those sheep-herding tower-collapsers, it is entirely fitting that the civilised cow-breeding world should be marshalled by a cowboy president.
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